She slumps onto the couch; hot, hungry and exhausted from a hard day at work followed by a strenuous cardio session at the gym. Only two kilograms to go…then maybe she can fit into those size six jeans that call her name every time she walks into that iconic fashion store on the main street. Two hours of her day today was consumed by running, cycling and rowing, followed by a simple salad in a lame attempt to satiate her starvation. Let’s call her Madeline. She is thriving to be the image of perfection in a huge proportion of today’s world – slim, gorgeous and wanted.

Sarah, what the…? What are you ranting about this time? Well, as a matter of fact, I got sunburnt yesterday. I just couldn’t help it! The outside world was sunny and warm with the slightest breeze, it created the ultimate place to relax and recuperate between all the hard work I was doing… Who could pass the sunshine up?! My arms and face have been a little, well, stung today, which indeed has put a real downer on things. But then I thought “Wow, I really need to get a tan, I can’t possibly let my snow white limbs be seen by the public eye”. It has since occurred to me that there are just so many things wrong with that harmless thought that made its way down the path of my mind in the way that any rational thought would have done. That thought sent a massive proportion of my world into an even tighter downward thought spiral.

I know, it’s true. I have a very fair complexion, and being as ‘white’ as I am is just not seen as fashionable, or dare I say it, sexy, in the world we live in. So I genuinely need a tan. I would like to develop a nice, natural (as opposed to fake) sun-kissed glow. And this frustrates me to no end. As Summer approaches, tiny girls will wander around in little shorts and midriff tops – and this scene will become so abundant you simply stop noticing…but whether you pay attention or not, these tiny girls are still likely to have bleached blonde hair and solarium orange skin. This over-tanned, celebrity wannabe look is sought after by too many of the women that inhabit the generation I belong in. I do not find it attractive or glamorous at all.

But people do. They must! Otherwise WHY would they all continue to pursue this look after more than just one summer, so we can’t simply fob it off as another fashion mistake?

Why does this annoy me so much, I hear you quietly ponder? Well, let me explain to you. I’m annoyed that body image is so important to such a large percentage of the Western society – more important than say, one’s own health. Like our friend Madeline – she is not the only girl that puts herself through that torture. Look around you. Sure, there are as many average people as  there are gym goers, or health buffs, if not more. But being ‘average’ does not have the potential to consume you completely. It may be easier to live, but who wants to be just another person when there is the chance out there to rise above ‘average’, to become beauty in human form? How could you possibly be happy with yourself? Beauty envelopes all of us in the forms of things we actively consume – namely TV, music, and movies. There are superstars and models and just simply gorgeous people out there, living the red carpet life, and we all know it is far, far from the glamorous beautiful world they try to make us believe in.

There is a not so fine line between the amount you care about how you look and the lifestyle you live. I respect that everybody is different, but those of you that have overstepped the line just annoy me. It’s the human race in general that I’m at my wits end with. It’s not okay (healthy) to want to be like darling Madeline, and count every individual calorie you intake only to make sure you cycle off twice as many, because you need to lose just two more kilograms. Nor is it okay (healthy) to be 120kg and choose pizza with garlic bread and a can of coke for dinner because you don’t care about the way you look. Mate, seriously, what about your heart and your liver and your cholesterol levels? This is how people die every single day! The problem is, in my eyes, the not-so-fine line exists completely isolated and alone under the world’s bright lights in an over-crowded place, because so many people avoid it and make it invisible. As much as TV, magazines, and other forms of media advertise their beliefs that they are over rake thin women, and that bigger certainly is better, I find an alarming contradiction when I turn the page to see Mischa Barton “looking sexier than ever” – gaunt features, sharp angles and all. How can society be so obsessed with this look? It doesn’t matter as it’s basically the higher power these days.

I believe I have a fairly sound understanding of the way it all works, and of everything that eventuates out of everything else. I appear confident and comfortable enough with my image/weight to live my life with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. But I’ve fought my own evil demons – that mentality that I’m not pretty enough, or I’m too fat, or my legs aren’t long enough for me to be beautiful since before I can remember. I have, for lack of a better term, ‘come of age’ in the last 4-5 years. In this period I have gained seven kilograms, lost about seventeen, and then gained about nine. If it wasn’t for my loved ones constantly instilling me with self confidence, combined with my almost anal eating habits, those demons would surely be red hot and most likely endeavouring to devour my entire persona. I’m just like everybody else out there that cares about the way they look more than they should. I’ll never stop. And there’s not a whole lot I can do about that and be happy simultaneously. Call it a religion, if you like, or just think of  it as teetering on the edge of the not-so-fine line. It’s ultimately my higher power. I have found the balance and realised that to abuse this power by either treating it or tormenting it is going to end badly…it’s all about compromise.

All in all, Somebody needs to flip the coin and have it land sideways, as this discussion has two very clear, very defined sides. And if you aren’t the sideways landed coin, you’re clearly, obviously heads or tails. Nobody wins. Nobody loses, either. Think about it, decide for yourself what side has the better argument. And let me know.

The following began as a sleepy rant on MySpace mobile. It has now evolved into a full blown Ok, To Begin With… blog.

MySpace blogging? I wonder if anyone does this anymore. Its all Facebook these days, something that’s already stolen many precious hours of my life. Whatever happened to REAL communication? What happened to real people?

I love the people in my life, I accept them. It’s easy to accept people when you don’t want, need or expect anything from them besides company and fun. What about when you need love? Real love. Why do we suddenly expect the world from someone, just because we start kissing and cuddling them? Or is that just me?

When did guys stop being the man of the house, or the initiator, or simply in control? Was it the same time they stopped being the provider? Women fought for equal rights, but does that also mean equal roles in a relationship? Is it old fashioned for me to feel that a man should care for his girlfriend and provide for her in emotional ways even though she can earn her own money and be independent? Shouldn’t he still be assertive and decisive, whilst giving her equal rights and including her?

I want to be equal as much as anybody else does. But where does that end? Where is the magic in falling in love, if you are also equal in love? Men were made to protect women. They are bigger, uglier and stronger. We may be able to provide for ourselves, but we love that we feel safe in their arms. Is that feeling disappearing from the world? You wonder why everyone is gay these days. Yes, it’s more acceptable than ever in the past. But if we are equal to men in love, then what difference does gender make?

The world is evolving, changing. I admit, I’m a magnet for gay friends. Is that because I’m equal to them also? They find comfort in someone who doesn’t judge. I find comfort in someone who is open. The difference between my friends, and somebody I would fall in love with, is that there will only be one person who will make me feel safe.

So, that’s my own personal feelings on where relationships are headed. Although I feel now that I’ve opened a Pandora’s box on discussions of gay relationships. I have thought about blogging on this topic before, I guess now is as good a time as any.

Currently there is a lot of speculation and controversy surrounding laws on gay marriage. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m no politician and I don’t pretend to know anything about current politics in any country! But I am a gay-friendly human in this world at the moment and I feel I have some right to speak on the subject, even if I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, but should same-sex marriage be made legal? That’s the question. Should we deprive good people of the basic right of marriage to someone they love?

Dr Phil did a show on this subject (God knows when, but I watched it recently). It seems there are some extreme differences of opinion on the matter. Marriage is something that was created from religion. My own personal belief is that this is a topic of religion, more than it is a modern discussion on basic rights. What is marriage these days anyway? If we get married on a beach, write our own vowels, and don’t believe in God, does that make our marriage any less legal than a religious one?

Then why would it matter if a gay couple did the same? It’s double standards really. From my earlier comments in this blog, you get an idea of my own feelings on relationships. Like a lot of people in this world, I have the inbuilt instinct of being a woman who needs the care and safety of a man. Or is it the fairytale factor? Am I conditioned to feel like the damsel in distress, or the lonely princess, waiting for her prince?

Same-sex marriage certainly doesn’t fit into this picture.

The expression “it’s a free country” is definitely exaggerated. Although I do believe that same-sex marriage is somehow breaking the laws of nature (or religion), I also believe that every human deserves the right to choose their own path in life. But I do have more questions for you, should a thief be allowed to steal, simply because it makes him happy? Should we take Aboriginal babies from their homes because we believe their parents cannot raise them to our standards? Should we put people in jail because their actions are “wrong” in our opinion? Should gay people be treated as though they are criminal or sick? Where is the line between law, for the well being of our universe, and human rights, for our own personal well being?

Regardless of my beliefs, and the many beautiful fruity friends I have, I will still be waiting to find safety in the arms of my prince.