Whoever you think you presently are. Thank you.

Everything we think and everything we do, is a blend of our experiences, from childbirth through childhood, encompassing all our formative years throughout and beyond.

We are like sponges except that we aborb stimuli, we filter information, we process it and meld all our different sources together as we come to understand them as we start to produce… Whether we’re producing art, or music, or food, or even conversation, the process is the same, all we are is a sum of our experiences, all those experiences have been driven by people surrounding us and all that they are and all that they say is a sum of the experiences they have experienced.

I am not saying that you are not a unique and beautiful snowflake

What I am saying, is that everything is derivative of something else, life is derivative of life.

All that you read, all that you see, filling up your head with orange coloured liquid.

Entropy.

I hate it when we do this. In all fairness, however, it must be done. I am on the verge of punching somebody in the face next time I hear the  phrase “my favourite film of all time’.

I planned to scrutnise every film I love to the point where each had its own list of pros and cons, and use this information to chronicle my ten favourite films. But for obvious reasons, this snowballed and I developed a headache trying to remember, arrange and perfect a microscopic portion of a virtually endless catalogue. Eventually, I figured that the movies that come straight to mind when I ponder this question are going to rate very highly regardless.

I apologise for not discussing why some of these films make me feel the way they do – they just do. It all got too difficult for me. They affect me in ways that no other films do, and merely being a part of this list is enough explanation as to why I love them. So here it is, after minimal amounts of headbanging and more “oh! but…’ moments that I care to admit: Ten Films Sarah Loves (and will still love for always).

1. Almost Famous

A loose representation of Cameron Crowe’s life – an autobiographical piece, if you will. William finds himself touring with band Stillwater, living their life complete with Band Aids, promiscuous benders and his old-fashioned, overprotective mother begging him to come home. Eh; I could give you a full synopsis of the plot of this incredible piece of amazing film history, or if you haven’t yet seen it, you should STOP READING THIS IMMEDIATELY AND GO AND WATCH IT. GO!!!

2. Moon

How do you think you would cope, with only your own company for three years? With nowhere to go, nothing to do that is not your job? Would you go insane when you meet yourself? Could you handle learning that you are merely a clone? Moon is simply stunning, it floors me. And this has nothing to do with the fact that it was the first film I watched in 1080P.

3. Fight Club

I am my own sheer awe at the brilliance of this film.

4. Garden State

Zach Braff: well, I don’t particularly like him. I love his work, though – I just don’t think I could be bothered befriending him if I ran into him at a bar. Like Scrubs, Garden State is so beautifully executed, it has the optimal amount of emotional drive and uniqueness that makes something able to be noticed. I love the sombre mood this movie delivers, I love Natalie Portman and her giant dog, I really do like the print the bathroom and shirt were made in, and I am fucking amazed by the music! Zach Braff: you are a very talented individual, and thank you for introducing me to The Shins.

5. My Girl

My “My Girl” VHS was taped from TV. The first ten minutes of the video was of footage of a Romanian gymnast that dad couldn’t bear to part with. I watched the film so much that not only did I destroy the cassette, I can vividly remember Nadia Comanecis perfect ten routine when I close my eyes. I could also confidently tell you all about the ads that channel 7 were broadcasting at the time, and that according to those ads, License To Kill was on the following Tuesday evening at 730pm.

6. Lion King

“Everything the light touches, is our kingdom”
Whilst visiting from far north Queensland, my brother Daniel took me to the cinema to watch this, and I am pretty sure that an old family friend bought me the video the following Christmas. That being said, I should mention that this was the other VHS cassette I wore out completely…

7. Candy

If you want to reduce me to tears, sit me in front of Candy. Well executed love stories send me a bit crazy, probably because of a combination of me being a lady and being in a very happy, loving relationship – This film utterly destroys me.

8. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

“Sand is overrated. It’s just lots of little rocks.”

9. Across The Universe

I grew up loving the Beatles, and can say with complete confidence that they are my favourite band of all time. Combine this with a musical love story set in what my mum blissfully reflects on as ‘the best time of her life’ and the astonishing talent of Jim and beauty of Evan, and you have yourself Across the Universe – a utopia in my mind. This may or may not have anything to do with the circumstances surrounding the discovery of this film, but I will happily admit to watching it several times since and thoroughly loving it. The only negative thing I can report is that it turned “Strawberry Fields Forever” into a sad song for me.

10. Le Fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain

I wish that my persona were so enriching that I felt the need change the world for the better, one small step at a  time. Also, Audrey Tautou is gorgeous.

Special mentions to Grease, Vanilla Sky and Eurotrip, three films that were removed at the very end…

There are some drunken ideas that rightfully never come to fruition, like trying to convince Softy that I could jump from my balcony to the neighbours roof  (if I’d tried i’d be dead or at least maimed now) or deciding with your wife that you would start a YouTube channel where she sings popular songs in Golum’s voice (you’d swear it was Serkis when she does, it’s a beautiful thing). This isn’t one of those ideas, this is brilliant. Tom and I were drunk. Proper drunk. We were flicking through my film library looking for something to put on, but the flicking turned to talking and debating the merits of particular films and that, dear readers, evolved into this.

We may possibly be the first people on the internet EVER to comprise top ten lists of films. Brace yourself, this is history in the making.

Also capitalization is Wikipedia’s, not mine, I didn’t include any films I’ve seen only once (despite loving Synecdoche, Total Recall and Bladerunner) or adaptions (Watchmen) because I felt like it wouldn’t be an honest representation (despite Drew cheating… twice), also it helped me minimize my shortlist. Despite my favourite film being #1 there is actually no order to these movies, the order is arbitrary.

1. Life as a House

So many of you think of Hayden Christensen as the whiny bitch that played the third cinematic incarnation of Anakin Skywalker, but before he was thrust into the world of Star Wars, I knew him as the whiny bitch that played George’s son Sam in Life as a House. Life as a House has spent the last 10 years gathering dust, being an unprofitable  film that barely even registers in a torrent search. However you can ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you that Life as a House is my favourite film of all time, it was the discussion of this film that spawned the list making we’re currently undertaking. I could go on about Kevin’s absolutely wonderful portrayal of a man remiss about his life and resigned to death, or about the classic tale of redemption that Sam undertakes but if you haven’t seen it I shan’t bother you with the details. In the film George figuratively tears his father down and freely admits it, it gives me hope about facing my own problems before they conquer my life the way they did his. Maybe it was my father leaving when I was only young, maybe it was wanting a nude Jena Malone in my shower (or Mary Steenburgen  in lingerie for that matter) or maybe it was just that essence of family captured, but I really relate to this film.

2. Almost Famous

Ok, this is embarrassing. I completed my list, got all my photos uploaded, and was ready to post it when I realised that Almost Freaking Famous wasn’t on my GOD DAMN LIST. It is an enormous omission that I tried to explain away in the footnote and couldn’t. The Majestic used to occupy this particular section of this post. I love The Majestic, it is the film that showed me that Jim Carrey could actually act, but Almost Famous is a triumph of feel-good cinema, Kate Hudson’s only notable accomplishment in her career, and quite frankly I couldn’t live with myself it Phillip Seymour Hoffman didn’t have a place in my top ten. From the deflowering of kids to the golden god on LSD Almost Famous never stops rewarding the viewer, Zooey Deschanel is the sister we can all relate to, Fairuza Balk and Anna Paquin are the groupies we wish we had, and despite Jason Lee phoning in another film where he doesn’t even try to act, Frances McDormand takes her relatively small amount of screen real estate and makes herself one of the most memorable characters.

You said we were going to go to Morocco. There is no Morocco. There’s never been a Morocco. There’s not even a Penny Lane.

3. Cube

When I first watched this cult sensation I remember falling in love with the look and feel that, alongside Vinenzo Natali’s amazing film making, was able to make you feel like you were right there in the cube with the other victims. Nicole DeBoer and David Hewlett went on to make careers in my favourite incarnations of the most epic science fiction television franchises, and revisiting Cube now pairs my absolute adoration for the film itself with my love for two Canadian actors who I consider breakout stars of their genre.

4. Wrath of Khan

Those who know me will show no surprise at this amazing movie being on my list, but its inclusion was more torturous than you may think. Even though I will always list this film second any time I am asked about my favourite movies I struggled with it taking up space on the page of my notebook dedicated to this challenge. Perhaps it has been a part of my life so long that it almost feels vestigial, I know I love it, everyone I know knows I love it, it’s almost wasted space on the page, a slot in the list that could have been otherwise filled. However! Ricardo Gonzalo Pedro Mother Fucking Montalbán y Merino. Chest bared, Moby Dick allusions abounding, and absolute on screen presence. Just as Silence Of The Lambs was made by a villain who was only on screen for 16 minutes, Wrath of Khan is exactly as the title states, and executed exquisitely.

5. Still Crazy

This is the closest I have gotten to a ‘musical’ in this here list, it has a good half dozen well written and performed rock songs in it but it’s not about that, it’s a commentary on the rock star lifestyle but done with a fantastic British sense of humour. Where Bill Nighy isn’t even the main character of the film, as the bands front man he manages to make it all about him anyway. There is some soul searching, and some sinning, but there is never any redemption mostly just acceptance. I can’t overlook this film because I still remember the timestamp on my VCR display that I had to fast forward (or rewind ) to in order to watch Strange Fruit perform All Over The World.

6. Across the Universe

HA! I forgot about this musical, but it feels wrong to go back and change my Still Crazy rant based on that… Ok! So, what they say about first impressions? They’re dead right. Listen to A Mountain Of One’s collected works or watch Across the Universe and try to compare your opinion with mine, when I first experienced these things (on separate occasions mind you) they were at the time the greatest thing that ever happened in not only my life, but the existence of the universe itself.  The Beatle’s amazing songs couple with Evan’s beauty, Jim’s voice and a range of cameos that make even Bono lovable. Without listing in detail all the songs that I love in this film I will just say; greatest trash can solo. Ever.

7. Gattaca

Of all of these movies Gattaca is one of those films that I am relentlessly telling people that they need to see, science fiction fans or not. Gattaca presents to us such a believable near-future that in the 14 years since its release we are moving closer and closer to it as a reality. There is nothing so far-fetched in Gattaca that I couldn’t imagine my own children growing up in the world presented within. Points are lost for acting, especially Ethan Hawke having the emotional range of a particularly stoic brick, but Jude Law makes me smile in every scene he’s in. I know I’ve told you all plenty of times  ”I love this-or-that-film and you have to see it” but of all of the films on this list, seriously, right this second make a plan to watch Gattaca, rent the VHS from Jon San Video that I thrashed to death or download it off the internet (I think they stop tallying gross profit from films after 14 years) or comment below and I will send you my god damn copy, but do it. DO IT.

8. Moon

Moon. As deceptively simple a film as its own title Moon is fantastically executed. It sacrifices the “big reveal” in favour of explaining the plot directly and eloquently. While films like Inception and The Matrix take a fairly straightforward premise and try to bury it under layer upon layer of exposition to try and make the film makers seem clever, Moon presents a great story that has infinite layers of a rich potential universe waiting right beneath the surface. The director (David Bowie’s spawn no less) has promised to explore this universe in further films but Moon stands on its own, brilliant acting on behalf of Sam Rockwell with an excellent assist by Spacey. I have a feeling this movie will show up in many more of the lists here on Ok, to being with, but I couldn’t omit it from mine.

9. Orange County

When I first saw the posters at my local video store I was expecting a typical stoner-flick, devoid of heart and soul like they all were, but (spoiler alert) I loved it… Every last part of Orange County gives me a happy. The cast is a veritable who’s who list of actors you recognize from somewhere or other, and they all contribute in the best ways possible. Catherine O’Hara absolutely shines as Shaun’s mother Cindy, she is raw and intense, a caricature so well done that it becomes a portrait. John Lithgow and Harold Ramis may only have small parts they make up for it with absolute scale of performance. I wanted to end this entry with a quote from the movie and I got stuck at deciding which one to include, so despite my love for Bronc0′s, and Shaun’s getting of them, I’ll have to close with: “Three people! In the history of literature!”

10. Star Wars

I like telling the story of my love affair with Star Wars, I think it’s a prerequisite for my friends now and even if you read this post I have no doubt that while drunk in the future I will tell you this again. I happened across the Star Wars VHS cassettes for rent at the Bondi Blockbuster, nobody had ever told me about Star Wars before, I had no pre existing positive bias, I didn’t know it was a ‘thing’.  I liked the cover and I rented it, I rented it over, and over, and over again. I decimated those cassettes, the 4:3 and the 16:9 versions both. A New Hope, as it was retroactively titled, is in a word; stunning.

He tasks me! He tasks me, and I shall have him! I’ll chase him round the Moons of Nibia, and round the Antares Maelstrom, and round perdition’s flames before I give him up!

Anyone can tell you that making a top ten of their favourite films is hard. Being told that I’ve got a day to come up with them is harder. But no excuses – these are my favourite top movies, cut down from a list of twenty or so. Some of these movies I have included because I just love watching them so much (and have done – over and over). Some of them are here because I grew up watching them, and they’ve shaped my taste in film ever since. Some are here because I feel they are simply amongst the greatest films ever made and deserve a place.

So unlike my last hasty list of best scenes (which if I repeated would likely turn out completely different), these are not necessarily my favourites just because I like them. These are my top ten, for various reasons. Come back in a few months and the list is likely to change, but procrastination won’t get a list made, will it?

So, in order of “I fucking love this movie” to “This movie is fucking great”, here are my top ten:

1. Jurassic Park

Released in the dinosaur craze in the early 90′s (whether the movie started it or not I’m not sure – I was 6) Jurassic Park is everything a great adventure film should be. For me, it’s the sense of wonder that really sets this movie apart. As I’ve previously mentioned, the first sight of dinosaurs is just staggering, even after the hundred’th time I’ve seen it. It’s a masterful blend of solid acting, excellent use of special effects, and simply stunning music that sets Jurassic Park up as one of my all-time favourite movies. That, and dinosaurs. DINOSAURS.

2. Star Wars

An obvious choice I know, and one that I was unsure about including. While I don’t argue it’s a great film (obviously – I included it), I wasn’t sure whether I should include it in a top-ten. But ultimately, it had to be here, because of how it shaped my love for geekdom. I still remember the first time I watched it – my mother and father grabbed my brother and I, and sat us down in the lounge-room, telling us a movie was about to start that we had to watch. Then, Star Wars. Immediately afterwards, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi followed. Star Wars opened up the possibility of the genre to me, and it will always be important for that.

Many geeks will proclaim that Empire was clearly the best of the six Star Wars films, but I strongly disagree. A New Hope is simply more cohesive, with a greater sense of wonder and adventure, and is the only choice in my mind for best Star Wars film.

3. Lord of the Rings (Trilogy)

It may be technically cheating, but any single of the three Lord of the Rings films simply can’t be judged on its own. Like the books, they are one film, arbitrarily split into three parts. This is part of the reason they are here – Lord of the Rings is one of the only examples of a real trilogy I can think of, with most others really being a film with a two-part sequel.

Lord of the Rings is a staggering epic of film-making, it can’t be denied. The sheer amount of energy, time, money and passion that went into making this film had never been done before, and likely won’t happen again for a very long time. The recreation of the book was faithful in almost every detail (with a few unfortunate omissions) and the sense of scale was extraordinary. It stands as the only high fantasy film ever produced that manages to maintain the wonder and scope of a novel. It’s a masterpiece.

4. Band of Brothers

Why am I including a mini-series in my top-ten movies list? Because fuck you, that’s why. Band of Brothers is awesome. I love war movies – they hit me in that special place men have for historical violence and heroism. Band of Brothers is an epic retelling of the 101 Airborne Division, E Company, during World War II. It follows them from training, through the Normandy landing, the Battle of the Bulge, right through til the end of the war. The film deals with the hardships and loss, as well as the little and large victories these men achieved. You connect with these characters more than any other war film. It’s witty, sometimes funny, and often sorrowful, and it avoids the anti-war undertones that often insults the work of the men who inspire it.

Bookending each episode with interviews by the real men of Easy Company is a masterstroke too, with only the final episode revealing who these people are. The actors do an excellent job of capturing the stories of Easy Company. So yeah, cheating maybe, but Band of Brothers is well-deserving of a place here anyway.

5. The Lion King

So rarely has the opening scene in a movie been so spectacular. The Lion King ushered in a new epic quality to the animated films that would come after (for a time) and it is an absolute classic. The film was brilliantly animated and well-paced, with tremendous performances by the likes of Jeremy Irons and James Earl Jones joined by a great ensemble cast. Disney really let out all of the stops for this film, and it saddens me that even 17 years later, it has yet to be upstaged. The Lion King is emotional and mature, while remaining a family movie. It’s funny and sad, and altogether retains an epic scale.

I include the Lion King because of its formative impact. It was one of the first movies I remember seeing at a cinema, and it was stunning. A special mention must be made for Anastasia though – my favourite animated movie. It was a marvellous film from top to bottom, but I omitted it because I think the Lion King was the greater movie, if not my favourite.

6. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Hilarious and influential on my taste for British humour, Monty Python had to be on this list somewhere. I tossed up between this and Life of Brian, but in the end I think Holy Grail is the better of the two. In typical Monty Python style, it s witty and farcical at the same time, deep and altogether shallow. One of the greatest comedy films ever made, and never loses its shine.

Even though it could be argued that the film is little more than barely stitched-together sketches, it isn’t really important. The movie is hilarious, and is a cornerstone of my family’s film library.

7. Love Actually

I love the idea of this film. A film purely designed to celebrate love in its highs and lows, and everything in between. A stellar cast of almost all of my favourite British actors can’t go wrong. I include this movie because, for me, it does what it set out to do. I feel happy watching it – a sense that there is a greater purpose in the simple things. Very few of the characters seem larger-than-life, and the film manages to make even the mundane aspects of love seem important.

Besides, any film with both Liam Neeson and Alan Rickman in it can’t be bad.

8. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The Last Crusade is an adventure film with no par. It is epic in scope but maintains integrity. It seems the film-makers were afraid that more than one scene in any individual country would bore the audience, but it manages to string together so many parts with a cohesiveness lost on most adventures. Indiana’s quest to find his father and ultimately the Holy Grail is easily my favourite of the four films.

The movies follows the same template as the last two films, but manages to add a freshness that stands it above them. Replacing the grounded plane from the first (chronologically second) film with a moving tank created an unforgettable action sequence. There is a real sense of adventure to this movie. Also, there’s an airship. And airships are awesome (I thought of including Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow because of this fact – that’s how awesome they are).

9. The 13th Warrior

“I am not a warrior”

“Very soon, you will be”.

This movie is awesome. The action sequences are basic, the night-scenes are too dark, and the ending is disappointing. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because this movie is so full of over-the-top awesome Viking dialogue that my conventional rating system for films is crotch-stomped into the ground. The characters are barely developed, but you like them anyway. The plot is just a mannequin to hold up the bad-arse dialogue, but you barely notice. Because this movie is awesome.

It is also one of the very few movies that seems to get better every time I watch it, and I’ve seen it a lot. Antonio Banderas does an excellent job as Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan, and the rest of the cast are equally competent in their roles. If you want a movie with a plot, development and a point, watch something else. The 13th Warrior does what it does exceptionally well.

I also noticed the similarities between this movie and Aliens – seriously, watch them both. They’ve got practically the same plot. I include the 13th Warrior over the also-awesome Aliens because this one has awesome Vikings, instead of semi-retarded whining marines. So yeah. That.

10. The Fountain

It may have been serendipity for me, but I was so utterly dragged into this movie the first time I watched it I was speechless. A convoluted mess, with almost no post-marking or exposition to tell you what the fuck was going on, somehow I got a tremendously deep meaning out of it. When a movie affects you on such a fundamental philosophical level, it doesn’t matter if it makes sense.

The Fountain was my first foray into Darren Aronofsky’s films, and I haven’t been disappointed with any of them since. While I think Black Swan could very well be his magnum opus, I include The Fountain on this list. I lucked out, the stars aligned when I first watched it, and it was a perfect movie-watching experience for me, that I had never had before. It was fragile – I felt that if the phone rang while I was watching it, it would ruin the magic – but that just made it more special. I’ve seen it once more since watching it, and it had the same effect on the other person I saw it with then. We ended up talking for hours about the meanings of the film.

Ultimately though, if you were to ask me whether to watch it or not, I would say don’t. I get the distinct impression that you have to be lucky, in the exact right frame of mind, to enjoy this film, and somehow that just makes it even more special.

Another special mention goes to The Fall, for similar reasons. I was dumbstruck by the simplistic beauty to be found in that film, but ultimately, The Fountain gets the spot.

So there you go. My top ten films. There are glaring omissions (First Contact, Pan’s Labyrinth, Moon, Independence Day, and lots more) but when picking a top ten, sometimes you just have to throw a dart at a board and see what sticks. As I said, in a few months it might be different, but for now, this is it.

April, my friend, you came along a lot sooner than I was expecting.

It only seems like yesterday that I had an idea – that I thought to be a pure stroke of genius at the time – to make a sort of visual journal, some kind of nutritional impact somewhere. Although I am armed with a sketchbook and Dave’s tin of Derwent Studio pencils, a plethora of inspirational pieces in the form of recipes and what I just know will be an interesting medical story once it finally eventuates and hopefully fizzles out into bubbles of happiness and good health, I AM STILL NOT READY FOR YOU, APRIL, DAMN YOU.

Okay, so there is actually a story behind this. To be honest, when it all began I have no recollection, but it has been so important in my life that I really don’t remember how I survived beforehand. I do remember however, deciding to conduct what I thought to be a small scale experiment. It was encouraged by both my GP, and the common sense of myself and my husband. After blood tests, elimination of iron, overdosing on fibre and whatever else we tried in vain to make me feel better, I stopped eating meat. Not just gradually decreasing my intake over a period of weeks or months, but 100 percent cold turkey.

It was not easy.

Imagine yourself as me in September last year. Only a week into this trial, your husband cooks himself up a succulent kangaroo fillet for dinner – which just happens to be your favourite meaty meal. TORTURE. But you survive on your vegetable whatever-it-was… barely. However, that weekend you venture out to dinner with friends. Still not used to being almost exclusively restricted to pasta and risotto whilst eating out at restaurants, the night ends in you throwing a childish tantrum and grumpily ordering the random fish meal they had on the menu.

Even now, I am being told by the professionals to eat more fish, more fish, MORE FISH.

So, as the weeks totter past and the cravings for meat gradually subside, I notice that I am beginning to willingly eat more Italian style foods, and more potatoes on the side, and actually getting sick of fish as it’s been on my plate almost every day since this whole affair started. Who’d have thought?

All of a sudden it is March of the following year, I am wearing my vegetarian cookbooks thin, branching out and experimenting with the likes of quinoa, lentils and rice pasta, and I only eat fish when I have to or when I am feeling particularly guilty for not being nutritious enough (thank you Doctor). I don’t even know when or why, but I have completely eliminated 95% of dairy from my diet. With the exception of a scattering of parmesan over my puttanesca, I have recently learnt that for some reason I can’t even enjoy a tub of yogurt anymore without suffering for days afterward.

What the….??

So, armed with my pretty purple sketchbook and a tin of coloured pencils, I endeavour to show whoever is vaguely interested a month of my life. This may include the aforementioned toddleresque scrawls of my eatings, ponderings and whatever inspiration I choose to ride; it may include recipes and heavily opinionated blogs posts of why I feel the way I do about food, ethics, vegetarianism and veganism, and it will most definitely touch on what happens when I embark on my long overdue visits to particular specialists to hopefully solve the mystery as to why food never seems to agree with me in the same ways that you take for granted, despite the huge changes to my diet over the last few months. If nothing else, it will at least make me more consciously aware of… something. Anything that may possibly matter someday.

Oh, dear. What have I just gotten myself into?

OktoBeginWith has always been a place of peaceful rhetoric. A place where I and our colleagues spout inane garbage, delicious conjecture or inspiring prose with each post. But what does you, our reader (and yes, I’m sure there’s only one of you) think of our tight-knit group of mad yea-sayers and opinionators? In an internet world, where silopsism isn’t only possible, but probable, are you too much of a wuss to imagine there to be any tension?

Our episodic content (which has recently been pushed to the proverbial Friday late-night spot on our to-do lists) has been a little on the beatific side. We’ve spoilt you with love and witty affection. For the most part we have produced lists, stories and articles on things that are, not for a minute, contested. So, indubitably, you must feel of us as saints or demigods; capable of no wrong.

Okay, so not that. Nevermind. The point is, there have been moments where fighting has ensued. Discussion has taken place. Rhetoric has been dispelled as such through crude or witty retorcisms (a new word. Feel free to use it) and heated debate has broken forth. In fact, it would be remiss of me not to point out that, as much as our contributors admire each other, debate and argument make up the bulk of our less public discussion.

This was going to be a blatantly lazy port from our private RSS conversations but it would at this point be remiss of me not to ensue into a diatribe on my philosophy of friendship.

I’ve had a few friends throughout my life, and most of them are still. It’s important to note what friendship is though. Do any of us know? Our knowledge of friendship is really broken down in to one of two camps. The friends given to us are the learned camp, through which platitudes and truisms teach us the ways of enlightenment. The friends we make ourselves are the experienced camp, where we establish through concerted hardships  who we can benefit from. Both of these modes of thought provide us with potential friends, but neither with any particular accuracy.

I remember many of the people I once called my ‘best friend’ when I was very young. These were people I played with and concocted grand world with. People who I shared food and toys with, with whom I created dull havoc for my (and their) parents. I remember these people through brief snippets of visual or auditory stimulus. They struck me as good people. But as I look back upon it, those people who were my nemeses, who I hated to the quick of my bone, I realise were also friends but in a different way. The way I remember my past is as a grand game. My primary school years were taken up by emulating Neighbours with lunch and basketballs. I imagine my preteen years as a series of games, excluding one person in the hopes that they will take up arms and begin an even better game. I know now that the people who bullied me out of games were much as I: wanting to push the bounds of drama ever-onwards, to get to that new game everybody can enjoy (except for the new excludee-who must strive to build of themselves a new enemy). I look back at these days, and remember the friends I still have that were my enemies in each of these games. I remember them, but not my allies. My allies were always the followers, or the ones I followed. I think this and realise that these people, who I loved so dearly then, mean nothing to me now. This is the flippant nature of friendship, and I posit that these were not friends. I say this because if all of your peers are your friends in some capacity, does that make any of them a true friend?

Ah here we are. “True Friend”. This is the confuscian portion of our discussion, dear reader. While our parents would align us with children of their friends, and our schools would force us to make allies of our peers, where does and at what point does a True Friend lie? We all know of true friendship. We’ve all read Dolly magazines (I mean… Extreme Weightlifting Anonymous Magazine).  We’ve read the chain emails and the self-help books. We all know that a True Friend is the person that will help you cover up the evidence of a capital crime. But we all know that is bullshit. People would like to tell us, through idealic fantasy and platitudinal purveyance that our friends are people out of touch with reality. You don’t have any true friends, because when you’re sick, none of your drinking buddies are going to take a day off to slave over a pot of boiling chicken carcasses in order to bring you a bowl of chicken noodle soup. You don’t have any friends, because when you accidentally murder that hooker through a little harmless strangulation-play, there’s nobody who you wouldn’t feel embarrassed to call at two in the morning to help you chop them into pieces, stuff them into shopping bags, and bury them in the desert. When you get right down to it, those are the people who the “witty public” tell you to befriend. And they are exactly the wrong people.

You know who the True Friend is? It’s the person who convinces you to turn yourself in. The person who laughs at your idiotic plan to be the most geriatric person to row around the world in a canoo. The person who flat-out disagrees with you. The person who, through all that, makes a damn good point. A true friend is a friend who does not outstay their purpose. I’ve noticed that of the people who I would play with in my childhood, the ones who have remained my friends have been the ones who have stabbed me in the back during our games. The friends who I have kept from high school have been the ones who have reasoned with my arguments, and argued against them.

A true friend is a person who challenges you. If you are lazy, they will kick you into action. If you are wrong, they will make you right. They will be the night to your day, the yin to your yang, and the heavy pasta meal to your tuna nicoise salad. And they will be the person that through all of it you agree with, at least in principle. And most importantly, much like a loving couple, a True Friend will be the person random acquantances will always think you’re fighting with when you’re just having a discussion.

What’s the target here? The aim, was the United States, and transparency. Sure, we all agree that there are certain elements to the way governments operate that need to be secret. But but not everything. At it seems that the answer is to burn the person who allowed the publication of the leaks. That’s right, chop the head off the guy who invented the guillotine. It will not stop its future use.

The myth of the Hydra is known to almost everyone; chop off the head and two will replace it. WikiLeaks is not a big organisation at the moment. It doesn’t need to be. All it needs is a couple of servers in a number of countries and a handful of people with access to them. But soon, it will grow. It will become one of the leading websites to go to if you are after real, hard information. Imprisoning Julian Assange is the same as chopping off the head of the Hydra. While there may not be someone as charismatic and identifiable as Assange to take his place, there will be a line of thousands of people ready to help take up the cause.

The charges that have been levelled at him may be true. That’s for a fair court to decide. But there’s no way way a fair trial will happen. The charges were dismissed earlier this year. How are they going to hold up a second time? He is (rightly) fearful of being extradited to the USA. Who knows what may happen to the case once he gets there.

The website, WikiLeaks, is being criticised by a great deal of people for endangering lives. But as many have said…what bullshit. Nothing was revealed from the cables that wasn’t already known. What was said may have been phrased a little more colloquially than normal, but it was all well known. There isn’t a diplomat from a country other than the States this week who read a newspaper and thought “thank god they didn’t publish what I said”. There’s no secret here. Everyone does not trust anyone.

And who would blame them? Focussing on Assange is pointless in the end. You cannot convict a martyr. Wikileaks provide a service that the entire “democratised” world has always said we have had: freedom of speech. And the ability for any individual to say: “I’ve had enough. This is what’s REALLY going on” is finally available. Where is the point of stopping the guy who founded a website? This will not go away, similar to how the world’s governments had to learn to deal with television differently after the Vietnam War.

The Internet changes everything. No longer do protest movements need a base. Yet the Internet gave them one, in the cyber cloud.

Be specific, but not overly descriptive. Be bold, but not irrational. Be brave, but not insensitive. Be kind, but don’t be disheartened by the selfishness of others. Don’t be glass half full. Don’t be glass half empty. You don’t have enough time to be measuring milk the rest of your life.

Be a pain in the arse sometimes; Putting up with you shows how much your friends love you. You don’t have to say it, but show it once in a while. There aren’t enough hugs going around. Give a few now and then, and don’t think of them as free, because they’re not. That’s what makes them special.

Wake up early. Sleep in late. Stay up all night obsessing. Stay away from your own company; other people are easier to get along with. Try new things, but don’t give up the good stuff. Be yourself, but be willing to change.

Write. Words will free your mind. Work in a boring job; that’ll free your mind too. Do something you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. Tell stories; other people need to know who you are. Some people are better than others, but who they are depends on who you ask.

Go to a concert. See a movie. Stay at home and be lazy instead. It all matters eventually. Take a chance sometimes – go out instead of staying home. Don’t make plans. Being spontaneous makes you interesting. You are weird. That’s what makes you fun. Keep being weird. If anybody asks, don’t tell them you took my advice.

Believe in what you want and who you want, where you want and when you want. More importantly, believe how you want. Live life. You only get one, unless you think you get more, in which case don’t live your life. You get another one, right? There’s time to live later. Right?

And most importantly, above all other things, no matter what you do or who you become:

Save the platitudes. Because platitudes are people too.

People are excited. Every day is coolers than the last and the rain lasts longer and is more intense, everyone is revelling in it. Girls are hiding their sexual assets with stylish sweaters and scarves, working on ‘less flesh is more desire’ in their image, mini-skirts come off, stockings go on. Every guy has dug out last years jacket and jeans to help keep himself warm.

Everybody goes on about how beautiful the days are, and how wonderful the weather is. Everybody is looking forward to the next hot day on the calendar, and one dip in the mercury is greeted with moans and complaints. I’m guilty of it myself, even though I know that the moment it gets above 30 degree’s I will suffer and suffer until it’s cold again, my blood is too thick for this weather. Summer. It must be amazing…

Everybody goes on about how beautiful the days are, and how wonderful the weather is. Everybody is looking forward to the next rainy day, and one dip in the mercury is greeted with elation. I’m guilty of it myself, and I know that the moment it gets below 20 degree’s I will revel in the crisp and desirable winter air, my blood is perfect for this weather. Winter. It’s amazing…

And it is. By the end of the year everyone will be complaining. Everything is cold, all of the time, cars are cold on the morning commute, streets are cold for the walk to the shop, beaches are ruined. Heaters will strain the power grid to breaking point, maybe even causing cycling blackouts to handle the load. The dream days spent sunning on the beach are long forgotten, because it is simply too cold to venture out and impress people, but anyway, who wants to spend all day submerged in dirty sea water?

People will be dreaming of Summer, every time the temperature starts getting higher and higher there will be celebration, and much discussion. People will appreciate being able to go out without smothering themselves in an inch thick layer of wool or leather and breathing heavily on their fingers so they can adequately operate their car.

It’s a classic case of ‘The grass is greener on the other side’, except it shows how short-term our minds are working. We might dream for years and years about that greener grass and never try and explore it, or we might jump head first in and regret it for even longer. But the seasons continue to change every single year, it’s a constant cycle that we all go through time and time again, yet still we yearn for something different, for the world to be exactly as it isn’t right now.

Every country bumpkin day-dreams about a busier life, and every city slicker day-dreams about the quiet country lifestyle. People who work 9-5 jobs yearn for a break from the cycle, and those working shifts wish they had that simplified routine. It keeps us sane to be able to uncomplicate the world we live in with a two dimensional paradise in our thoughts, it breaks the monotony of our lives with a touch of freedom.

Wow. Deja vu…

Roughly five months ago, I had a horrible realisation. So very subtly, over time, I was noticing a real sensitivity in my vision – it was suddenly necessary to upsize the font on my monitor and sit much farther away from it, and reading a book was impossible without getting my squint on. About four months ago, I trundled off to the eye doctor, already speculating the appointment, the outcome, and freaking out over whether getting glasses was going to be incredible or utterly soul destroying.

Secretly, I love glasses, and have for years. I believe they have the potential to add style and intelligence to a character. I’m going to dare to assume that you are currently thinking that is a stupid view to possess, but really. Is it?

You see, when I was really young I sported my very own coke bottle specs. And when you’re very young things that make you individual aren’t considered classy or unique, they’re just fuel for the tease monsters to absorb. Combining my glasses with my bucked teeth, speech impediment and tomboyish love for lego and toy cars pretty much ensured I would have below the minimum requirement of friends to be classes as socially acceptable through majority of my school life.

Anyway, that is enough nostalgia/total bitterness from my early life. What I am really trying to say here may have something to do with individuality, but also with the raw, uncooked process of choosing the perfect spectacles.

Upon the results of my examination, the opticion carefully said to me “Well, you are definitely long-sighted. And while glasses aren’t an absolute necessity for you, they may just help you to focus better whilst on the computer or reading…” blah blah. The primary thing cycling through my mind was “Oh my gosh, glasses. Something new! Yay!! Now go and let me pick some frames.” This, of course, is exactly how I DIDN’T reply. I wonder if he and I agree on the sentence prior to this one…? Oh well. The point was, I had a decision to make.

I spent a very gleeful hour perusing the racks, trying on anything and everything, and eventually narrowing it down to about seven completely different frames. One of those was the perfect pair; a gorgeous black and clear Dolce & Gabbana set. The $500 [frames alone] price tag tried so hard to refrain me… and magically worked for just long enough. Luckily for me, it was a very quiet day at the Optometrist, and my assistant was just pleasant enough to patiently offer his opinions, suggest items and be lovely in general. D&G frames. Nothing else. And then he merrily chirped “Oh! We have this cabinet of older stock! What about these, and these, and….” Seven or eight more frames swam out to be judged. And then I fell in love, all over again. Ray Bans. These were truly sexy frames; neutral enough on the face but to look at just gorgeous with their purple and gold opalescent finish.

I was highly frustrated now that I was narrowed down to two options. Those of you who know me will simply laugh at my inability to make a simple decision. And for those of you that don’t, well lets rewind to this morning – breakfast time. I was starving. It took me 45 minutes to choose between toast and oats for breakfast, even with my husband quizzing me and trying to encourage me one way or the other. It turned out that I made the wrong decision by having toast, and spent the next half hour rhetorically beating myself up because all I wanted was to go back in time and have oats instead.

I took advantage of my metaphorical “Call A Friend” card. And called Dave, and my mum. Both, of course, didn’t care either way and were probably just annoyed that I was yet again being so quizzical over nonsense. Another 45 minutes passed me by. In the end I just made the decision I knew I was going to make since the beginning, and very reluctantly/excitedly purchased the clearance Ray Ban frames, for at least $300 less than the boring black designer ones would have set me back.

Today? I couldn’t be happier. I will carefully fail to mention the week or so of agony I endured having my eyes adjust to wearing glasses for short range vision, and the absurd amount of times I complained that they were just doing more harm than good, how the doctor was useless and the unbearable headaches were beyond ridiculous. I can see clearly now, and I no longer struggle to keep my eyes awake after reading three pages of a novel. Clarity is not always a bad thing. And whilst I hardly wear them in public, they are yet another addition to my case of individuality – something that is mine and mine only that is content enough to sit alongside my psychedelic stockings, patchwork hat and hot pink velvet boots.

The spectacles have unlimited potential to make me feel smart, and even a little bit sexy. Maybe I could be like those sexy nerd girls – the ones with nice bodies, gorgeous faces and black plastic rims surrounding their seeing organs. Those sexy nerd girls, the ones everybody fantasises about, the ones everybody envies. Or maybe, just maybe, I could be me. Can I instill this new confidence in myself enough to be a different person? No matter what I need, what I wear, I am still just going to be me. And like a great percentage of women out there, the grass will always be greener on the other side, and no matter what I do or how I experiment with the unique flavour I will still just be me. So perhaps I’ll just work with what I have, and be satisfied with reality.

I can’t deny that I like being noticed. Isn’t that what expressing yourself is all about? Let me know how you express yourself in the big, bad world.