The following began as a sleepy rant on MySpace mobile. It has now evolved into a full blown Ok, To Begin With… blog.

MySpace blogging? I wonder if anyone does this anymore. Its all Facebook these days, something that’s already stolen many precious hours of my life. Whatever happened to REAL communication? What happened to real people?

I love the people in my life, I accept them. It’s easy to accept people when you don’t want, need or expect anything from them besides company and fun. What about when you need love? Real love. Why do we suddenly expect the world from someone, just because we start kissing and cuddling them? Or is that just me?

When did guys stop being the man of the house, or the initiator, or simply in control? Was it the same time they stopped being the provider? Women fought for equal rights, but does that also mean equal roles in a relationship? Is it old fashioned for me to feel that a man should care for his girlfriend and provide for her in emotional ways even though she can earn her own money and be independent? Shouldn’t he still be assertive and decisive, whilst giving her equal rights and including her?

I want to be equal as much as anybody else does. But where does that end? Where is the magic in falling in love, if you are also equal in love? Men were made to protect women. They are bigger, uglier and stronger. We may be able to provide for ourselves, but we love that we feel safe in their arms. Is that feeling disappearing from the world? You wonder why everyone is gay these days. Yes, it’s more acceptable than ever in the past. But if we are equal to men in love, then what difference does gender make?

The world is evolving, changing. I admit, I’m a magnet for gay friends. Is that because I’m equal to them also? They find comfort in someone who doesn’t judge. I find comfort in someone who is open. The difference between my friends, and somebody I would fall in love with, is that there will only be one person who will make me feel safe.

So, that’s my own personal feelings on where relationships are headed. Although I feel now that I’ve opened a Pandora’s box on discussions of gay relationships. I have thought about blogging on this topic before, I guess now is as good a time as any.

Currently there is a lot of speculation and controversy surrounding laws on gay marriage. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m no politician and I don’t pretend to know anything about current politics in any country! But I am a gay-friendly human in this world at the moment and I feel I have some right to speak on the subject, even if I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, but should same-sex marriage be made legal? That’s the question. Should we deprive good people of the basic right of marriage to someone they love?

Dr Phil did a show on this subject (God knows when, but I watched it recently). It seems there are some extreme differences of opinion on the matter. Marriage is something that was created from religion. My own personal belief is that this is a topic of religion, more than it is a modern discussion on basic rights. What is marriage these days anyway? If we get married on a beach, write our own vowels, and don’t believe in God, does that make our marriage any less legal than a religious one?

Then why would it matter if a gay couple did the same? It’s double standards really. From my earlier comments in this blog, you get an idea of my own feelings on relationships. Like a lot of people in this world, I have the inbuilt instinct of being a woman who needs the care and safety of a man. Or is it the fairytale factor? Am I conditioned to feel like the damsel in distress, or the lonely princess, waiting for her prince?

Same-sex marriage certainly doesn’t fit into this picture.

The expression “it’s a free country” is definitely exaggerated. Although I do believe that same-sex marriage is somehow breaking the laws of nature (or religion), I also believe that every human deserves the right to choose their own path in life. But I do have more questions for you, should a thief be allowed to steal, simply because it makes him happy? Should we take Aboriginal babies from their homes because we believe their parents cannot raise them to our standards? Should we put people in jail because their actions are “wrong” in our opinion? Should gay people be treated as though they are criminal or sick? Where is the line between law, for the well being of our universe, and human rights, for our own personal well being?

Regardless of my beliefs, and the many beautiful fruity friends I have, I will still be waiting to find safety in the arms of my prince.

The first feeling we learn in life is love. Our mothers wrap our tiny bodies in warm, fresh waffle blankets. We are the sweetness inside. The honey? Whatever you prefer, inside your waffle treat. In essence, from the moment we enter this world, we are learning how to feel.

Somewhere between being held as a baby, being taught to live, and living, up until now, having had lived.  Wounds  have been woven through my soul. Delicate, intricate.  Imagine a cloud of a soul inside of me. Soft, fluffy, like a marshmallow.  Poured over with the sweetest thing, say toffee?  But toffee doesn’t stay soft and sweet forever. In no time, it hardens. As does life. Turning my soul into a contraption of soft and hard, sticky. A marshmallow that would never be the same again, incased in the sweetness of toffee, that it was now sheltered by. I was not learning to be stronger. I was unlearning everything I knew. Unlearning feeling. Feeling brought me into this world, it was the basis for everything. And it would be the end of me.

To me, happiness was not a feeling. It was a sense of insanity. The unfeeling feeling. Craziness always wore a smile. Underneath that smiling exterior was a time bomb of emotion, laying dormant. Waiting, collecting. I had reached a point of wisdom and could not go further, for where is wisdom created without feeling?

Is life even lived without being felt?

These are the questions I ask myself day to day. Now, being what I am, being that I am no longer melting my toffee and pouring it deep into my emotions, am I living? Will I still grow, without it?

I guess that even without that sweetness of emotion, I have still felt. Because I have still learnt. I’ve learnt to be a little more delicate with myself. Caramel goes well with fluffy souls, right? Or how about strawberries?

There’s a good mix in there right now. Although the wounds will never disappear, they can be complimented by what I choose to pour into my soul now.

Which only leaves the question, what DO I want in there? Now that is something best left for another blog. A non-food-related, less insane blog.