I’ve just seen a face

Nice t-shirt.

If I spend more than half a moment staring at your chest, trying to figure out what the hell those three lines of text spell out, I’ll look like a weirdo. You’ll look at me like a creep and shuffle away whispering to your friends about me, and it’s made even worse when I need to turn around to look at your back to see the punchline. Your t-shirt is stupid, it doesn’t need to be, it can change a life.

‘Fat Guys Are Harder To Kidnap’ is a terrible shirt. If you think that shirt is funny enough that you bought it and you’re wearing it, I’m not going out of my way to talk to you, you’re an idiot. Unless the person who reads it is Jeremy Clarkson, and it gives him a brand new outlook on life.

If you don’t look at me weird, maybe you like that? You like getting the attention of people, you want them to look at your t-shirt and think “man, the person who bought that t-shirt has a great sense of humour/style, oh wow, it’s that person wearing it, they are awesome”. You egotistical prick.

Who wears a t-shirt like that? I certainly do. I love to wear a t-shirt that makes people stop and look at, or even give me a casual nod in the shopping centre. A sign of appreciation of my awesome taste. Or maybe even just something that will confuse them. I’m proud of my interests, I like the fact that you think I’m a nerd! If my t-shirt has a retro video game reference, or a science fiction reference, or even a webcomic reference on it, you know that I’m unique.

Except I’m not unique. They don’t mass produce Super Mario or Star Wars t-shirts so that they’re easily accessible to a small group of elite and unique people of which I am a member, they do it because there are countless people worldwide who want them and want to present their interests, taste, and even sense of humour.

How an article of clothing represents the inner me is really beyond my comprehension. Just because I’m guilty of being a victim of trendy t-shirts doesn’t mean that I don’t see the problem. We’re all too worried about what people think of us, even complete strangers we’ll never see again.

I don’t know your name, I don’t know where you’re from, I’m certain I’ll never ever see you again, but I know later tonight you’ll be telling someone about the interesting things that happened to you today, and hopefully I can be one of them. The imprints we leave in other peoples lives and memories is, in a sense, our own little slice of immortality. We each have our own 15 microseconds of fame, when we’re discussed by people we don’t know. Maybe I can do something memorable enough to someone that their grandchildren will talk about it, it doesn’t need to be big, it just needs to be the right kind of awesome, at the right time in their lives when they’re impressionable enough for it to make a difference.

If I can change your life I damn well hope I do, if the butterfly flapping its wings is my ‘Ice Man Says: Be Cool, Stay in School’* t-shirt to the tornado in your life that could be anything from a rousing good laugh at Friday night drinks or a pleasant memory you smile about when you most need it later in life, I’ve achieved something.

Next time I go through your checkout I will try and make you smile, and next time I buy a sandwich from you I hope my manners make your day.

Until next time… Just embrace the simple things.

*I inherited that t-shirt from a person in my life who seems to live his life by positively influencing others, even to his own detriment. This manifesto is at least partly due to the impacts, big and small, that he and this t-shirt have had on my life. Which is an embodiment of my entire point.