All you need is love… love is all you need

The time has come. An event that I have been eagerly anticipating for longer than I care to mention has arrived. And now, as I type this, and all day today and for the next week or two, as I experience this ‘transitional phase of my life’, I am becoming slightly overwhelmed by the emotions and attachments and loves and hates that I never realised I possessed until this point.

It’s something we don’t usually discuss in small talk, as generally, it’s just what you do to pay the bills and support your lifestyle. We like to call it ‘work’. “What am I rambling on about this time?” I hear you ask. Well, in fact, to put it as literally as I can in a single sentence: I am being transferred to a larger store within the company I work for as the tiny store I have co-managed since 2007 is closing its doors to the big, bad world.

“Oh, no!” I hear you say, with deep and meaningful sarcasm. “Who cares? This stuff happens to everybody all the damned time”. And indeed it does. But I am the type of person who feels completely ambivalent about change; as much as I welcome and embrace it, it scares and confuses me. Not in a brutally negative way, it more so has something to do with my uncanny ability to make a decision. So how do I feel, today, about yet another more-than-minor change in the life that is mine?

Let me try and explain this to you. As you can imagine, I have always been annoyed by a lot of the regulars that shopped with us. The old dears and gentlemen who are always polite enough to ask how your day is going, but never fail to innocently force us to internally roll our eyes as they pick our brains for the simplest knowledge and advice. How many times do I have to repeatedly explain what cable goes in what hole, and the ins and outs of everything electronic they have ever laid eyes on? Oh, too many. It’s what I do.

Yesterday was my last official shift at the store. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, warm and sunny and happy, and I was handed a really jovial, positive mood and told to do what I will with it. So I took that mood, smiled all day, and completely loved the world. At one point, one particular customer, who has to be the most annoying, most regular older gentleman came in, and picked my brain for the millionth time. However, when the time came for us to engage in general small-talk, he was genuinely saddened to hear that I was doing my last shift. So off he went… and returned a couple of minutes later with cold drinks for both of us and said “Well, it’s been so good having you here, we can’t let you go without having a celebratory drink. Cheers.” We proceeded to have a drink together, and spend the next 30 minutes enjoying each others company and conversation. It really, really touched me.

The store was in a community where everybody knew everybody and nobody really disliked anybody. So walking down to get lunch, or even buying lunch from the cafe, you’d stop to say hello to friendly acquaintances several times. I like these notions; as some of you know this is one of the more pleasant things about living in a relaxed, slower paced country town such as the one I grew up in. So, comparing the homeliness of it all to the city store I am going to be working in from now on, I can almost guarantee myself that it’s going to be a completely different atmosphere to this section of my life. There will be more work to do within the bigger, busier store, but outside? It’s not on a shopping strip, there are no cute little cafes or bars or restaurants nearby – it’s just on a city road away from the hustle and bustle in a more private business and residential area. If there is any personality to this area, it’s bound to be bland and profoundly detached from all the things I like about the world.

As daunting as it is, I have realised that the life that I live is in desperate need of some big time changes. And like I said earlier, I was unsure whether to be terrified or filled with glee. I have begun considering my options, and cementing some rough plans for the future and how I’d like it to eventuate. And there are some ideas that a year ago, I would have thought completely impossible, impractical, and downright stupid. But the more that I think about the situation, and the pathway that is my life, lo and behold, these stupid impossible ideas actually make a lot of sense!

Life is beautiful.

It is this way because I choose to view it through beautifully coloured glasses. Right now, I’m choosing to actively embrace this change I am in the midst of experiencing. I’m going to remember the times as good, even the average parts. The annoying customers were there, and they made my two years at Tandy what it was, and while I enjoyed grumbling and complaining to whoever would listen, my retrospective mind is remembering them as good people, great customers and acquaintances that I was willing to share the mandatory 33% of my life with. Life is all about the memories you make.

This seasonal change we are experiencing at the moment always opens my ‘memory floodgates’ – I become more sentimental and nostalgic, and every moment is so fleeting that it just has to be preserved. It may be difficult, and the world may not always treat us very fairly, but because I observe and remember to remember everything as the ‘good times’, life is utterly precious. Even if the experience wasn’t worth celebrating, it’s okay to tweak the memory a little – erase the horrible moments, set a fine hazy blur over the moments that for whatever reason just didn’t settle well with you, and customise the nice aspects to your liking. That way, every stage of your day, or your life, is a memory that you cherish, and you’re the luckiest, and happiest and most valuable person alive.

Someday, I will remember the days that I am living now, as a young woman living in inner-suburban Adelaide with my kooky little family, minutes away from some of the people I consider to be great friends, as yet another fleeting time that was all kinds of awesome. And I will smile, the same smile that appears every time I lay back to soak in the sun’s golden shine, close my eyes, and just be. Tears will happen between now and then, I will hit things and smash plates and I will definitely make the world my worst enemy more than I care to admit. But you know what? We’re all getting older, and none of it matters in the end.