My soul, desserted

The first feeling we learn in life is love. Our mothers wrap our tiny bodies in warm, fresh waffle blankets. We are the sweetness inside. The honey? Whatever you prefer, inside your waffle treat. In essence, from the moment we enter this world, we are learning how to feel.

Somewhere between being held as a baby, being taught to live, and living, up until now, having had lived.  Wounds  have been woven through my soul. Delicate, intricate.  Imagine a cloud of a soul inside of me. Soft, fluffy, like a marshmallow.  Poured over with the sweetest thing, say toffee?  But toffee doesn’t stay soft and sweet forever. In no time, it hardens. As does life. Turning my soul into a contraption of soft and hard, sticky. A marshmallow that would never be the same again, incased in the sweetness of toffee, that it was now sheltered by. I was not learning to be stronger. I was unlearning everything I knew. Unlearning feeling. Feeling brought me into this world, it was the basis for everything. And it would be the end of me.

To me, happiness was not a feeling. It was a sense of insanity. The unfeeling feeling. Craziness always wore a smile. Underneath that smiling exterior was a time bomb of emotion, laying dormant. Waiting, collecting. I had reached a point of wisdom and could not go further, for where is wisdom created without feeling?

Is life even lived without being felt?

These are the questions I ask myself day to day. Now, being what I am, being that I am no longer melting my toffee and pouring it deep into my emotions, am I living? Will I still grow, without it?

I guess that even without that sweetness of emotion, I have still felt. Because I have still learnt. I’ve learnt to be a little more delicate with myself. Caramel goes well with fluffy souls, right? Or how about strawberries?

There’s a good mix in there right now. Although the wounds will never disappear, they can be complimented by what I choose to pour into my soul now.

Which only leaves the question, what DO I want in there? Now that is something best left for another blog. A non-food-related, less insane blog.